sweet dream or beautiful nightmare. . .

eating some strange looking dinner with rina , ness & shalini. laughing & carrying on as usual. my phone rings , its mommy. almost wasn't going to answer but , ITS TIME ITS TIME!!!! camz is finally in labor , a week overdue. we pay , run outta there to go hop on the train. miss the first , the second is overly crowded so we hop on the third. rina drives us to the biggest hospital i've ever seen in my life , finding parking is hell. we get inside & can't find a damn thing in this humongous hospital. after about 15 minutes of walking in circles we find my family & camz room. i hear a whole bunch of 'awws' & 'oohs' so i'm assuming we missed labor & birth. i walk in the room & see camz looking exhausted & marcel rubbing her head. mommy is in the corner sitting down holding our new edition. 'ITS A BOY' she says. & just like when camz was born he has no name as of yet lol. i gave mommy a kiss & placed my hand on her shoulder. we talked for about 15 minutes about camz & labor , she made jokes & i laughed. mommy gave the baby back to marcel & we decided to head downstairs to grab something to eat. i'm running my mouth the whole way to the elevator & mommy interupts me & just says 'i love you' i reach out for a hug..



..i hear leroy asking me if i'm awake. FUCK!! i wanted to say yeah but i wish i wasn't. it's 546am & i swear i felt like crying , but i held it in. i hate dreams about mommy that feel sooooo real cause it hurts so bad.



'i just wanna be numb
i don't wanna feel a thing
i don't want reality..actually
reality stinks'







...either way i don't want to wake up from this.