and the beat goes on...

just did a 12 & half hour shift at work , exhausted. sitting here watching law&order:svu , on fb , feeding amani & typing this lol. i cannot wait to feel my bed =)

a lot on the noggin...

i mentioned in a previous post (love is blind) a friend who was going through a lot with her boyfriend. ever since she returned from florida she was back to staying with him , she said things were ok..not great but ok. i can't even begin to comprehend why she would even return to the situation =( but she did..&& friday night i got a phone call & once again he put his hands on her. busted her nose up..went to the house there was blood all over her face , shirt , the bed , floor , pillows basically the whole fucking room. i swear my heart broke , how can she take this if i can't take it & its not even ME! i was proud of her this time because she actually called the cops & got him arrested , which is what his ass needed. we went to the police station & they took pics & whatnot but charges couldn't be pressed until monday morning. the entire weekend he called collect & she put up the front about not caring & wanting to press charges on him. his sister bailed him out on sunday evening & he blew her phone up...& then it all went south =( ...monday morning ma&i were going to accompany her to the courthouse to proceed with whatever need to be done...but she told us she didn't need us to go & that she was also going to see him first. i can't for the life of me understand why??? & it makes me soooooo upset. anywho , didn't hear from here all day monday til she came home...come to find out she never made it to the courthouse =( decided not to go forth with the charges. she believes he has changed. she is currently searching for apartments for them to move into. i'm taking this whole issue personally because i know she deserves so much better. it hurts inside because i can't make her realize that he is what she needs. i feel like a parent that has failed with her child. what more has to happen for her to want out?? she sat & told me that she fears for her life. well that makes two of us. i am praying long & hard that i don't get a phone saying i have lost a friend. damn.

nothing in my life compares to this right now , i think about it all day.some say i have to understand that i can't save everyone & i can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. ugh.

this year has came & went very quickly. i know it isn't over but it might as well be , everything was rocky at first but i don't really have to many complaints now =) except for the ongoing "single" issue lol but its cool blahhh.

omg...STARTING ALL OVER - JEREMIH. love l o v e LOVE it...mentioned a quote from it on my away message yesterday & oh gosh did i get a lot of feedback from all males!! why yall care if i'm in love?? evidently we are uninvolved for a reason YOU!! smh these guys nowadays.

it is sooo past my bedtime & once again i haven't completed my thoughts =/ later my loves.

never almost had you...

lesson learned....

i probably listened to that song (by alicia keys) about 50 times today. it hit the spot...like really.


its been a while...& boy oh boy do i have a lot to say lol. lets see if i can make some long stories short , plus i'm kind of tired. everything w. me is coooooool. goodtimes..goodmoods. it is when i try to take on the issues of others that things get rocky , sigh yall know me..always trying to help out smh.
but umm..
- work is great...putting in hella hours , co-workers cool as hell..they make my day go faster=D
- home life is good...no complaints just wish leroy cooked rice w. the damn food sheesh!! & ma&mani have been here all week=)
- love life is blahh&dry as usual lmao still not involved w. anyone , but its cool..i'll know when i'm ready. i'm working on me (for now , i ain't tryna have these cold sheets all winter hehe)
- friends..hmph that is a touchy subject at the moment , these broads are crazy!! (yall know who yall are)

sooo i got tattoo number 5 last weekend=) my birthday in roman numerals across my shoulder. pain wasn't bad at all..only hurt right on my shoulder bone.

hmm , my phone is pretty quiet today , but shh!! let me not jinx it.

yall probably already noticed..but i'm backtoblack!! & long lol. wanted a change , i like it. but yall know how that goes smh it will be totally different soon. i dyed&permed my hair in the same night...i know I KNOW , i'm losing my damn mind. but so far so good , nothing fell out haha. & then i went to go see chris rock's new movie 'goodhair' made me never want to perm my hair EVER AGAIN but the chances of that happening are slim =)


mymani&i watching some tv =D
omg i love this little girl!! it makes no sense.

soca party at spc , goodtimes.
danced right out of my clothes!! lol just kidding.
but my damn shirt/skirt kept falling off lol talk about a wardrobe malfunction.these two BROADS next to me annoy every fiber of my being!! but i love them. would do anything for them. but i'm ready to kill them. they breakup to makeup tooooo much. & i don't like to see friendships end when they can be salvaged. especially when the beef is petty. so now these two jerks are talking. so now i'm not caught in the middle , which is ALWAYS my postion when it comes to their beef. but on another note i feel like i'm losing another person i felt was my friend & was cool because of a very awkward&bad situation. i will definitely still speak to her but it is wayyy different now because our common link (ness) is gone. still love you mnb=) holla if ya need me lol.
but as far as lessons i have learned goes..hmph. i can't take on my friends burdens. not gonna happen anymore. NO WAY. because when shit goes south my phone is ringing of the hook & i'm tired of it. i definitely DO NOT feel appreciated for the things i do for some people & now i won't do them. i love my friends but if this ends our relationship then its cool because honestly..i don't need it. i am sooo not trying to sound like a bitch but i can't take it anymore. statements like "nikki only does things on her time" linger in the back of mind when that is HARDLY ever the fucking case. but it is now...MYTIME it is.


TIRED...TO BE CONTINUED...

and i don't want to hit rock bottom. . .bottom line.

SUNday MORNING.

had a great weekend. hung out w. the unusual suspects , rather then my usuals lol. got out of work very early on friday & hung out w. mooda&ma ALLDAY. that right there just made my weekend because i missed them soooooooo much. two months tomorrow. she was cranky though cuz she got some shots , so i didn't get to see any gummie smiles =[ ...yesterday afternoon i hung out w. leroy&pam , they a trip. leroy thinks pam is cheating on him , hmph..as if it wouldn't be justified. but it was hilarious to hear them throw little comments back & forth. & yesterday night was devoted to my babymomz!!! omg i missed her sooo much , that is the easiest person to talk to EVER. used to be inseparable , we need to do that more often.

sooo today is r&r , yall know i need my 'me time' =D just ate some breakfast & its sooooo nice out so i'm sitting on the balcony. thinking about how things are changing quickly & i love it. feels good to be getting my life back in order , i'm happy. yes , progress.

disappointed about my friend because she didn't stay in florida. but all i can do is be there & be supportive for her decisions.

the mo'nique show starts tomorrow , i'm in there lol. & i have yet to see thehills or thecity smh.

but things just get so crazy , living life gets hard to do
and i would gladly hit the road , get up and go if i knew
that someday it would lead me back to you.
-maroon5 , sundaymorning.

baked ziti , 2 cupcakes , chocolate milk & theraflu makes nik a happy camper =] sitting in my room going in. i still have a lot of ziti left & i gave some away already lol help. my laundry needs to be done , as usual. any volunteers?? didn't get back to a lot of people today, if you are reading this..sorry about that. still love yous. i want to go see ma&amani , really bad...guess i'll take the trip. feels weird asking to though smh.

anyway , got a message that he misses me & still loves me. ness&i had a good laugh at that one.

it has been two years yesterday since pam find out that she had cancer..according to her doctor she is doing great =D she wasn't supposed to be here with us this long. talk about a blessing. so she is in my prayers & hopefully she will continue going at this good pace.

upset i missed thecity & thehills , gotta catch a rerun. missing a lot of tv lately.

ghostface album is good..need to put it on my ipod along with a shitload of other stuff. can't believe i lost all my songs =[

well..all the food is gone so i'm gonna go dream. nighty night. ecstatic i get 3 extra hours of sleep.

DOWN ASS BITCH.

INSPIRED BY CAMERAWHORE.

who doesn't want or need a downassbitch by their side?? or for guys , downassnigga. whether male or female ; friendship or relationship wise...everyone wants someone(s) who is going to be there whenever you need them , when it is all good or all bad. 'sometimers' are not tolerated in these parts. what is your role?? are you casted as an extra or a lead?? get down or lay down man lmfao.

some of yall got me fucked up..nik is NOT materialistic smh. hmph..random , i know but it came up in conversation.


nae says i'm lonely lmao & i am. but that is ok..for now. me , myself & i..loving it.


i'm happy..like really in a good mood.

had a good day =D did 13 hours & work..somehow i managed not to be a cranky mess afterwards. my male co-workers are HILARIOUS lol we have the best conversations. somehow i managed to be the only chick today smh. a mess...i got two "let's kick it & keep it between us" offers today lol blahhh not even. more importantly BAKED ZITI yummy. & it'll taste even better for lunch tomorrow.

thought these pictures were cute lol

i have A L O T of running around to do on my next day off smh. but i really want to go out , haven't been out in about a month. time to shake my ass lol. i have a lot of pent up ummm tension (guess that is a good word for it) i be out with them boxes at work with all this 'energy'. haha. oh yes , i want some negril soooooo bad.

anywho , time to knockout. 530am wakeup call.

unfinished business , should i settle it??

thinking that my gap is getting bigger lol..
but anywho , i'm gonna smile because i deserve to =D


yes , i know the process has so much stress..
but it's the progress that feels the BEST.